An episode of self-condescension

It is not very often that I enter into a state of worthlessness and temporary depression (not the medically defined meaning, but you get the gist). But despite the rarity of the situation, handling it when it comes is not so easy, perhaps due to a lack of practice and importance given to it.

I study in a college where the pressure to continuously achieve something is eternal. This may not be as bad as the social pressure that is enforced in family affairs, yet it takes a toll. Definitely it does. From hampering your academics to creating a feedback loop that makes it all the more worse, it is the king of inflicting damnation to an individual.

I have heard lot of inaccurate declarations by several armchair advisors (this term is used merely out of respect and a hesitation to judge) that college tosses and throws you about, gives you a feel of what life is, teaches you to be humble, makes you 're-invent' yourself and whatnot. All this is so wrong, I don't even know where to start adjusting the strings.

'College' is just a phase. That's all. Saying anything more is tantamount to giving undue credit to an institution that exists merely to make it appear as though it is the most influential entity in your otherwise hollow, dull, directionless, haggard continuum of moments. What has changed in me after I enrolled and studied here for 3 years? Perhaps my knowledge has expanded; wouldn't the absence of college also have done the same? The most common argument that I hear from other people is that the degree you earn is invaluable and one of a kind. So what? How will the absence of it validate those string of adjectives?

"You make new friends which you wouldn't have made otherwise", I hear them screaming. Oh yeah, otherwise I'll just be holed up in a corner with no purpose, right? Oh yes, they say, with a gust of confidence. How do you know? I retort back. And what am I, and most people here, doing now? We are winning Nobel Prizes and sending rockets, aren't we? *sad realization and slumping away*

Anyway, enough busting people for one day. I seem to be evading the central question. What is happening in this self-condescending loop?

Hmmm....the lack of anything to flaunt keeps biting you. The full and obvious knowledge that this is the state forever with no solution possible detonates the internal stocks. splashing and spluttering salts. This goes on for a few seconds, before the brain's Nihilist manifesto reads the judgement, condescending over my lack of rationality and control. Oh well, now all that remains is a faint memory. A trace. A few grains of turmoil, impatiently prancing up and down the mind, waiting to be ignited and watch the person's world go up in flames.

Nothing lasts forever. Not even sadness or depression. Either it has to end your life or end its own. That is inevitable. What we have to ensure is that the latter happens more frequently, and no one can do anything to help such a person. "Hang in there! It too shall pass!" is the best and most effective advice a third party can give. If all this is happening too frequently, it is more likely to be crazy hormones in disguise and requires a medical diagnosis.

Review: Stanley Ka Dabba

I saw Taare Zameen Par (TZP) nearly a decade ago in the jam-packed Satyam Cinemas, Chennai. A lot of my friends reported that they shed tears as it progressed, towards the end, while I didn't. I was frankly surprised. What is there in this film that is NOT there in so many others? Just a different kid, unintentionally abused by parents, sinks into depression, finally finds a light who encourages him and brings out his best. This happens to everybody, doesn't it?

This is forgotten. A few days later, it airs on TV and a second-watch is in progress. Now I think a little deeper. Why is the problem with kids so personal? The answer comes after thinking for a moment.....Kids are the builders of the future! Your kids, my kids, children cannot be ignored. They deserve a great deal of attention so that they will take charge efficiently and do what we couldn't do.

In this spirit, Amole Gupte presents Stanley's Lunch Box, or Stanley Ka Dabba. The writer of TZP weaves a very touching story about a child labourer who keeps his situation clandestine and in its place, fills a wonderful tale about his mother and her delicious cooking.

What is different about this film? Abused children tend to lash out at other people and as a result, develop a violent mindset. However, this need not always be the case. Stanley is a sweet, humble and hardworking kid with a very creative mind. He recites poems with elegance, draws art and builds a model of lighthouse for a project, while other kids simply go to the internet, takes a few pictures, paste them and submit.

There are three main contrasting teacher characters: the strict science teacher who takes spare the rod and spoil the child a tad too seriously, the joker Hindi guy who is obsessed with food (you've got company, Joey!) and has a weird practice of eating from student's lunch boxes (by force), the sweet and engaging Miss Rosy who adores children, who reciprocate her feelings. Rosy resembles Stanley's dead mom, and being a person who shuns traditional student-teacher walls is very encouraging of Stanley's creativity. She even accepts his project as a gift from him.

The principal, whom people respectfully address as father is more or less like Rosy in his view of children, however does not brim with the same energy and is rather an embodiment of calm and serenity. He is also repulsed by notions that teachers can take whatever liberty they want of students. An ideal schooling system would be filled by people like Rosy and the father.

There is no complaint from Stanley's end; he performs his duties properly without hesitation. His lack of need or rather forced attempt to keep it a secret, even from his favorite teacher, is puzzling. Is he afraid of sympathy or expects a change in attitude from other students?

The technical details: editing could have been better, the film is too slow. Cinematography could have used more unconventional shots, like the panorama shot that comes towards the end. Flamenco background music is a huge turn-on, in any film and this is no different.

The main message is against child labour. We must not make children EARN a living the same way adults do. It is unethical to do so. That aside, it is a wonderful film and worth a watch.

My first movie review: Jigarthanda

It is not very often that I watch Tamil films. A lack of enjoyment is caused by failure to analyze the film and catch the motifs fully in order to relish the whole package. That is something I learnt very late in life (comparatively late to other art appreciators) and hence am just beginning to identify the right ones and cut them up in the sheary parts.

What comes to mind when I think of this language cinema? It is a sweeping generalization, but not so absurd considering my sample space is very small. Heroes wearing T-shirts with catchy writing, young and promising. Villains are shady, generally dark-skinned, lungi-clad, sporting an uncombed moustache with or without a beard (depending on how rural the setting is). Heroines rarely have meaningful roles and the concept of "item songs" does not help them. Such movies fall under the "masala" category, one that I loathe.

But Jigarthanda fits the profile, yet falls short of being classified into a masala film. Why? Let me add a sentence to the definition of masala "films which ONLY have the above-mentioned characteristics." You see, there is more to it than just, defiance of logic and unintelligent attempts to woo the audience through crass comedy.

This is the first Tamil film in a rural setting that has Flamenco background music (in my sample space). An excellent combo, an act of extracting some juice from the west without compromising on authenticity. There are some long shots of scenic background that possibly intend symbolism. There is a sense of coolness (the temperature) despite the hacking and stabbing. This is great because it strikes a balance everywhere. The romance does not get too out of hand and is present just so that it can complete the story.

Siddharth's acting is not exactly top-notch in my opinion. There are no intense expressions, most are of the try-too-hard category. From the start, the person who steals the show is the villain, Bobby Simha. The rural TN version of Bane, he is a cold-hearted criminal with a torturous past that led him to become a vile monster who spares no-one who double-crosses him. Evil and brainy, yet leads a laid back life. The perfect villain who is impossible to defeat by force. How this is accomplished is the crux of the story and involves the film industry.

Lakshmi Menon has no significant part, but does whatever she is given, well. The innocent and sweet village girl. No further comments here.

Karthik Subbaraj and his cameraman Gavemic U Ary, must be given due credit for making the screenplay so engaging with every scene having so much attention. The editor, Vivek could have cut some more scenes to avoid the 163 minute drag.

Do I recommend that you watch it? Yes, atleast once. Who knows, if you don't like it the first time, it may grow on you.

The Narcissist

I am a regular guy with lot of quirks. I have not taken the trouble to classify myself into a lot of categories based on looks and personality, nor do I follow "trends" very often. When I grow old, I wish to look back and be proud of the fact that I am a self-made man, an independent and rational thinker, who preferably has accomplished something in life and made a name for himself. These are easy to say, but unimaginably difficult for someone like me.

What is one thing that stands apart in me? I try. I try with the utmost enthusiasm that I can conjure from inside. Becoming a victim to biases is a regular affair and it can be consoled by accepting that I am human, and all humans are flawed and biased. But how is it that I always seem to fail and everyone around me bathes in success. Is it confirmation bias? Impostor syndrome?

A bit of thinking tells me "NO!" The reason for my failure is my inability to organize my life, plan and execute the plan comfortably. I am addicted to my laptop, because of which I find it incredibly difficult to spend time and study, and consequently my enthusiasm for learning does not get engineered into academic success. Having a very low attention span (most probably due to the computer addiction), most often feedbacked by a lack of sleep, it tries very hard to drive me into depression, only to face a crushing defeat every time, the only silver lining here.

Yet, failure is a determined enemy. It possesses an attraction to me that I too feel the need to reciprocate. However, that is downright madness. I am still in the process of finding out how to face it while minimizing the mental damage. Perhaps I may never find a solution, because of which there will be lots of casualties, most notably my career. As I see around, most people seem to have figured it out and are meeting with one success after another. Winning treats them and gives me, the poor old man shivering in the cold of the street, a dime.

It is only left to experience what fate has in mind for me (just an expression, I am not an avid believer of "fate" or "karma").

What is this blog about?

I have not elaborated on what this blog will be about. The truth is, I myself do not know. Perhaps a movie review every now and then, philosophical thoughts about life, failure, existence, etc. Occasionally, a book review might pop up, but I do not read very often unless it is vacation time.

Posts about my social life will be few and far in-between, and it is mainly to give a 2-minute summary about what goes on in my social life, which is, regrettably not as active as I would like, given some problems that I face like overthinking and intense mood swings.

Quora is my second-home. Like a lot of others, I got easily addicted and read atleast 20-30 answers a day. Discussing quora answers will become a mainstream affair in this blog. Plagiarism will be avoided to the best of my ability.

I have opinions. Political opinions, cultural opinions, journalist opinions, etc. It is only natural that as a person who invests a lot of time pondering over these things, there will be strong opinions on certain things and weak ones elsewhere. Please note duly that they are all to be taken with a pinch of salt, and that none of them are intended to stir trouble. Again, the human excuse.

Random tidbits of knowledge are also a part of the gang, but I will try to avoid them to the best of my ability. As a friend of mine says "we can translate a fact or two into a quiz question and utilize it for everyone's benefit."

A regular day

Today is a holiday. Another opportunity to procrastinate and collect regrets. While assignments, reviews and exam preparations ought to get my main attention span, the good-old computer always wins (champion of twenty-years running).

What is my typical day like? Well, I loathe the concept of a routine, except when it involves watching movies and TV shows on the laptop, so while most days follow a pattern, it would be nothing short of grossly inaccurate to overestimate the uniformity of college life. I live in a hostel wing where every person is highly motivated, therefore any chance of sinking into complete slackery is guillotined without any further ado.

There is no fixed wakeup time for me. If the morning is extremely cold, and I don't have a class, the first twitch would be at roughly 8.30 AM. Else, a forceful start at 7. I do not have long showers, so just about 20 minutes would be enough to make myself presentable.

Eating breakfast is certainly important to keep yourself functioning throughout the rest of the day, but sadly is not above extra sleep and the first class in my priority list. I have been made aware that most college students act in a similar manner.

How are the classes? Not ideal, with the best teachers and most interesting syllabus, but tolerable to the extent that it would be a cardinal sin to deliberately miss them out of sheer lack of willpower. Like a lot of other things, the hardest part is to kick-start. Once the motor is running, smooth commute is guaranteed. You just go sit there. As long as you keep your gadgets inside your pocket, no one will force you to do anything, including listening to the cacophony of the lecture. Some genuine professors will request your feedback as to how they can improve, but they are few and far in-between.

Typically classes are till 12 or 1 PM, after which lunch hour is pretty much rush-hour. The mess will be brimming with chitter-chatter and the aroma of half-cooked delicacies, and it is usually uneventful at the most. As the methane ejects, the thought of the next class or lab hour gives birth to a craving for mass bunk, which is unfortunately never achieved due to the lack of cooperation of the sincere, studious brats.

Time flies before the clock strikes 5. Time for some tea (or coffee, if you wish). But not the tea so adored in the Isles. Merely water with a brown hue and strong flavour, masquerading as such.

After 6 PM, it is either the gym or a movie that kills time. Working your knickers off is so much more satisfying than watching a bunch of characters do the same. Laziness attacks with full force and captures the kingdom of enthusiasm, executing King Opportunity in the process. The day ends not with a bang but with a desperate attempt to turn in.

Introduction

Namaskaram

My name is Arvind. This is my blog "The Thought Cello". I created it after several successful attempts at procrastination. I am an occasional armchair writer and will try to pen my thoughts. There is no uniform style of writing in my pieces as far as my observations go.

The title of this blog is a simple description, intended to convey that this blog is a bridge between my thoughts and the outside world, as much as a cello is a bridge between the tunes in a musician's mind and the eager audience.

Something about myself. I am an undergrad student from Chennai, India (born and bred) studying in Hyderabad. I like to write whenever possible. I do a lot of other things, like reading novels, gymming, running errands, laughing away with friends, taking a siesta and of course, being one with food. I am also an armchair math and physics student (not to deny the nerdiness) who aspires to pursue a professional career as a geologist.

I do have social and political opinions tending towards an extreme liberal on the former while being centrist on the latter.

Now that I revisit what I have written, perhaps a better title for this blog would be "The Narcissist's Podium". Oh well...